These pictures are of Sarah at one day old, three years old, and nine years old (just a few weeks ago at the White Swan hotel in Guangzhou).

My first baby turned 10 years old at 6:59 a.m. this morning. I remember how worried I was when she didn't cry right away after birth; but she was fine. She just didn't see the need to make a fuss. Nor had she seen the need for any great hurry on her way out; I had begun to labor at 3 p.m. the day before. Little newborn Sarah was pink and perfect, with a little round head and peach fuzz for hair. (Compare that to Genevieve, who only took three hours to arrive start to finish, but came out blue and purple - as if she'd struggled the whole way out - and Miss Genevieve let her presence be KNOWN from the very start!)

Sarah has been with me longer than anybody else in my little family of 5 has been (including Dave - I met him when I was the single mother of an almost 3-year-old Sarah), and Sarah is such a special girl. I've been blessed with at least one child who is relatively calm and easy-going. She is kind and considerate of others' feelings, and swallows her tenderhearted tears too often. She is obedient, and talks about making good choices. She is so intelligent, and blushes at parent-teacher conferences when she is being praised.

Each of my children has come to me in a unique way. Sarah was a surprise, but she was also the greatest gift of my life. When I fell down, she was my reason to get back up again. She was sometimes the only sweetness when everything else was sour. She made me the luckiest mommy in the world.

So - happy birthday, my darling girl. I'm so glad you were born. Thank you for being my daughter. I love you more than anything.

I wanted to post this picture of Eleanor, who loves school well enough to start counting the minutes 3 hours ahead of the afternoon kindergarten start time!

Skype is a very good thing when it comes to international calling (2 cents a minute)! (http://www.skype.com) Today Eleanor wrote down a series of numbers, pointed to it, and said, "Zhonggua mama." (China mama). It took me a moment to realize the obvious - this was the phone number of her foster family, which she had apparently memorized. I looked up the city code for Hefei, and dialed. It worked - a very elated sounding woman answered when Zitao spoke into the headset. Eleanor's eyes welled up with tears as she answered her foster mother's inquiries, saying "hao" (good) every so often, and telling her foster mother that Sarah's birthday was coming tomorrow (she started in English - I had to remind her that her China mama spoke Mandarin!) I was a little worried that Eleanor wasn't understanding Chinese as well as she used to... her summer Mandarin class can't start soon enough! After a little while, Eleanor stopped talking altogether, looked down, and handed the headset to me (with her foster mama still chattering away) and stood up. I sheepishly said, "ni hao, ni hao, dui bu chi, wo shuo de bu hao" (Hi - I'm sorry, I don't speak well.) I couldn't understand most of what she was saying (she spoke so quickly), but told her that Zitao loved her, and that we were very happy in America. I did understand her happy tone, and the frequent use of "xie xie" (thank you). I was so glad that smart-cookie Eleanor had remembered the number. I repeated "xie xie" as well, promised myself that I'd get an interpreter next time, called Eleanor to the phone to say goodbye, and led Eleanor to the rocking chair, where she sat in my lap and wept for a little while. The tears stopped abruptly, though, when Dave began to run a bath for her and Gennie. She began to giggle again as I tossed plastic dolphins into the tub, and pretended that a shark was eating Gennie's leg (a natural amusement for any older sister is pretending her younger sister is being eaten by a large fish).

I also got a call from Eleanor's kindergarten teacher today, who wanted to tell me that this is Eleanor's "special week," and sorry for the short notice, but could we please send in a poster ASAP that she could show the class with pictures of her life. Um, yeah, I guess so. At least she had the good graces to ask whether we even HAD any pictures, which we do (thanks to the awesome orphanage making her a lifebook), but I couldn't help thinking about how much it would royally stink for her if we didn't have any at all. Eleanor Nash's life: a blank piece of posterboard. Yikes. Fortunately we do have a few pictures, so Eleanor's poster can go right up next to her classmates' without a hitch.

Still, it's not just about the pictures. I'm trying to figure out how to make this something that Eleanor owns herself (as her own story, and her own project) - and gauge just how much to share with the other kids (I have been called in to help "explain"). "Hi kids. Eleanor was abandoned as a helpless infant in a third world country and raised in an orphanage and then by another nice family until just a few weeks ago. But everything is okay now, other than the fact that everything she ever knew has changed. She loves the access to food here, and having new clothes and toys for the first time in her life." You know, just a nice, reassure the 5-year-olds that the world is a safe, secure place kind of talk. (And of course I would NEVER take that tone in explaining her story!) I hope to make it about the beauty of China, the love of many people for a little girl, and an amazing trip home. It's the stuff that matters, after all.

Two little girls in pajamas, after finally settling into their bunks after two trips to the bathroom, wanting to go give Daddy one last hug, and a cup of water (because Mom's mean and won't get them snacks after they brush our teeth at night), call out, "Wo ai ni, mama - I love you!" And my cup runneth over. (Gennie has been picking up some Mandarin. She's got possessives down pat, for instance: "Gennie de" = "Gennie's!" - a useful synonym for "MINE!" or "Hands off, sis!" At least she's picking up some of the nicer phrases, too!)

I am dying for this semester to be over. Of course, I always feel that way at this time of year, but particularly this year. For those of you who are teaching, pursuing double doctorates, and have two young children at home - take note, adopting a third child at the same time can be a little stressful. Stock up on chocolate. Also, please e-mail me. I've never met anybody else doing what I do, and would love to know I'm not the only crazy person on the planet. Take note that I am NOT at a conference that I should be at today. Tough tiddlywinks, I'm just too tired.

On a happier note, we all went to the Downtown Aquarium for dinner with Grandma Jean on her birthday. I, of course, forgot my camera (fortunately, Jean brought hers, but I need to get those pictures). We had a very nice time, and their restaurant has the added side benefit of built-in entertainment: a huge tank with reef fish and sharks taking up an entire wall next to the dining area. Sarah and Genevieve always love it there, and Eleanor had never seen anything like it in her life. On one hand, I could tell Eleanor was very interested in everything she saw. But she also just sort of took it in stride, perhaps figuring it wasn't much weirder than everything else that has changed in her life recently. Yeah, yeah... come to America, move in with strange people in a strange land who like to eat in the presence of sharks. No biggie.

Sarah's class won the Geography Fair at school. She came home happy and proud yesterday afternoon - her class had never won the fair before. Eleanor came home with a stack of homework from her kindergarten teacher, a packet of 10 worksheet pages that is supposed to be completed over the span of a week. She sat down last night and carefully completed every single page, while I sat with her and interpreted the instructions. She has loved going to school - when she gets up on weekday mornings, she brings out the clock, and wants me to show her how many times the big hand has to go around before we leave. And apparently, she loves the homework, too - we'll see how long that lasts! She's also a perfectionist, wanting to get every letter she writes perfectly shaped (she could print "Eleanor" with perfect penmanship within her first week of kindergarten)... we'll call Aunt Meg when the "build an Egyptian shadouf" project comes in (love ya, sis... and no, you'll never live the shadouf thing down). For now, though, Eleanor is an eager little sponge, who ADORES to be taught and sat with and read to. She's learning English very quickly, and I have no worries about her excelling in first grade next year. And Zitao has been adopting "Eleanor" more and more since interacting with more people outside of the family. At home, she's Tao-tao, or Eleanor, or Zitao, or Eleanor Zitao (which she particularly likes to say while walking around the house, in a sing-songy voice - El-ea-nor Zi-TAO!) But nobody else says "Zitao" right - or even tries, most of the time - so she's been using Eleanor. It seems to suit her just fine.

Sarah is a wonderful example as an older sis, since she's devouring books every few days lately. Her most recent interest is in dragon stories (such as Saphira from the Eragon series, and the Chinese dragons we saw everywhere on our wonderful trip, Haku the dragon from "Spirited Away," and of course Smaug from her old favorite, the Hobbit). I love that Sarah loves reading so much; it will serve her well for her entire life. Genevieve is a bit young for reading yet; but she does have quite a few of her bedtime favorites memorized. So Dave is held to the LETTER when he reads in the evenings. No skipping!! And now Eleanor is learning some of these stories by heart, too - so Gen's got backup!

This weekend I'm spring cleaning and trying to complete some IRB paperwork for our EEG lab. Yesterday, I finished our new website - it's at http://www.colorado.edu/slhs/eeglab (check it out, I think it came out rather well). On Monday, I actually have some landscape help coming for the projects we've started but never completed, like the side yard which has had landscape fabric laid and raised beds and an arched trellis that I built myself (and am rather proud of) installed since last fall, but no gravel mulch or fill dirt put in yet. The neighbors will be very pleased to see something actually happening, and I won't feel like I have to sneak around the yard to avoid them (those darn Nashes - they come out for the mail, but they can't finish their projects!). And Dave will be perfectly happy not to be behind a wheelbarrow on this one, too. Yes, we actually had a PLAN when we didn't water the east lawn - it's getting the remaining sod ripped out, landscape fabric laid, bark mulch put in. We've already put in Austrian pine and Colorado blue spruce, I'll add some more waterwise shrubs, and it will be good for our water bill and the planet all 'round.

If our intrepid China travel companion, Auntie Di, is reading - we are thinking about you. Every day. And hoping healing comes your way. We love you.

As for the rest of you anonymous readers (I know I have hundreds of you visiting every week according to my web host, and yet you lurk while my comments sections and guestbook remain lonely and empty...), I'd love to find out who you are! :) And if you choose not to share, that's okay. I'll just take comfort in thinking that perhaps what I write is worth reading. Since my other work is in academia, I know that anybody actually voluntarily reading what you write is a high compliment!

I've been told that the first couple of months post-adoption are just about surviving, period. That nothing feels settled, everything has additional stress, it's all just up in the air and icky and wonderful at the same time for a while. Sarah's been extra-sensitive about her boo-boos, Gennie's been engaging us in potty-use wars ("But I don't want to go right NOOW!"), and Dave and I do rather a lot of hand-wringing when we think nobody's looking. Tonight Zitao pitched a fit and eventually cried herself to sleep because I wouldn't let her eat lots of snacks right before bedtime (mind you, she had eaten plenty earlier in the evening, and was offered water in any case). She had kind of a hard day today in terms of testing limits. If I flipped a switch on, she turned it off (and giggled). If I adjusted the television for the other girls, she adjusted it back (and giggled). If I said, "Bu" (No), she did whatever it was she just did again (and giggled). Well, there's nothing that takes me from 0 to 60 in terms of being annoyed with a child faster than a kid who thinks it's hilarious to disobey when I'm visibly frustrated.

Her sisters and I were annoyed enough with her during a movie today that I finally picked her up and hauled her little disobedient patootie upstairs to her room. Once there, she gave me a look that said, "Oh, I guess you really meant it, huh?" She didn't cry, though, and she busied herself with a book while I went back downstairs to tend to wounded egos and Sarah's finger, which had been smooshed while in a TV controller squabble with her newest little sister. Of course, all of the children I've given birth to never test limits, whine, giggle when they're misbehaving, or otherwise behave inappropriately (yeah, right). Seriously, while I believe some of her behavior is related to adoption stress, I also think it's related to just being a kid!

I've already been neck-deep in a case of "be careful what you wish for," in that she's been glued to me all day every day since we've been home. She's been ON me, not NEXT to me, and insists on being carried to find snacks, to go to the bathroom, to explore whatever she's exploring. This is GREAT for bonding, but it'd kind of like having a 45 pound newborn that doesn't nap (and whines when you try to put her down). It's tiring! More tiring than post-newborn stuff, in my opinion. And if I lock the bathroom door while I'm inside, Eleanor assumes this is a great mistake, and knocks, calls "Hey, MA?," and tries to rip the doorknob off while I plug my ears and hum a Souza march. Gennie does this too, if she realizes that I'm actually attempting to be alone for 30 seconds. On the other hand, Eleanor hasn't been clingy at all when we're out and about, or when I drop her off at kindergarten. Weird.

Dave took the girls to the park and the ice cream shop in an attempt to give me a "break," which was nice, but just made me crazy thinking about all the productive things I should be doing with the time. I was also feeling rather juvenile and whiny, thinking about how everybody else got to go have fun while I was stuck at home with THE PILE. It's "that time of year" at the university, and I have a list 10 miles long of everything I need to do for the end of the semester, which is definitely exacerbating my overall stress level. So, what did I do with the "break" time? I made a to-do list (which included big, icky things, like reviewing neuroscience lectures and figuring out the Denver medical institutional review board procedures for a lab project, and some easily crossed-off stuff to "balance it out"), left messages for people to call me (I'm to the point of hiring out some landscape work, never mind my good intentions to do the stuff that needs doing), ate a big bowl of ice cream that I shouldn't have, watched 10 minutes of "This Old House" until I felt guilty about everything I haven't fixed at my own old house recently, opened the computer folder containing the files I should be working on, but chickened out for actually doing anything very productive with them, stared at the clutter that I hate but didn't feel like picking up right now, did my mother-in-law's laundry (she's stuck without machines for a while until the plumber gets her gas line in), and ordered new blackout roller shades for the kids' bedrooms (probably indicating a deep-seated wish that they sleep longer during the lighter days of summer - hey, it could happen). I should have taken a nap, really, since I spent so much time looking at stuff and thinking about how I just didn't have the motivation to do anything - but I didn't. And I managed to make myself feel guilty about not napping, too. I'm currently awake at 12:30 a.m. writing this blog post, which is having a similar guilt-inducing effect. But it's cathartic, too.

I recently filled out my Annual Review Form for the department, which included filling in my recent GPA (4.0), my cumulative GPA (4.0), my plan for the future (yada yada fake fake make it sound good), and a short summary of other life activities the department might want to keep in mind while reviewing my file (holy cow, don't get me started, I'm the only grad student nuts enough to mother three small kids while pursuing the double doctorate, but I'll just write something extremely brief and happy-sounding). It had the unique effect of making me feel better (hey, I'm doing okay so far), and kind of sick to my stomach at the same time (what the heck do I think I'm doing, anyway?).

Since it's the Grandmas' birthdays this weekend (Jean and Joanne), I thought I'd post some baby pictures of Zitao they haven't seen before. These are from Eleanor's lifebook, that the orphanage put together for her. I was looking at her lifebook tonight, trying to remind myself of the sweet little kiddo she really is, even when she's pushing my buttons. I look at these pictures and think, "Yep, that's my baby, and she always has been, even before I met her" and realize that she did take a minute today to say, "Wo ai ni, Mama" and give me an unsolicited kiss. She's a clingy, exuberant little rascal lately, but I love her like a crazy mom should.

We will make it, come what may. (Actually, May coming will be VERY GOOD - pun totally intended!)

I took a series of photos while Dave read a bedtime story to Eleanor and Genevieve the other night. They scrambled up to the top bunk, while Daddy read the perennial favorite, "Bad Kitty." (Or, as Eleanor likes to say, "Bu hao mao!") Sarah has grown into an avid reader on her own, and has her nose in her own book by this time of night, too! Personally, I've been trying to read Jane Goodall's biography, but always end up drowsy by a few sentences in; nothing against Jane, of course, but I seem to be pretty beat by bedtime! (Gennie looks tired to me in these pictures, too - we've been trying to get everybody in bed by 8:00, which requires starting the process around 7:00! Especially considering the multiple trips they make to ask for a glass of water, to go to the bathroom, to complain that their sister is making weird noises... you get the idea.) I'm realizing that Eleanor doesn't have her glasses on for either of the last two posts - Gennie's birthday on April 3rd was before her opthalmologist appointment, and she always likes to take her glasses off at bedtime. She's actually been very good about wearing them during the day, though!

I've been wanting to put together a new blog, that focuses on all of my daughters, not just my Chinese one. So here it is, and it's even almost fully functional (kind of like me - I'm almost functional, too).

And what better way to start off a new blog than with pictures from Genevieve's fourth birthday!? A good time was had by all, and Eleanor did a great job of singing "Happy Birthday," too - in both English and Mandarin! Sarah was sweet as always, and helped me pick out presents for Genevieve (that afternoon actually, at SuperTarget, where we also got the cake, balloons, etc. to put together a birthday party QUICK - within an hour, in fact - but we won't dwell on my ill-preparedness, eh? We had just returned from China, after all - and jet lag was still very real at this point!) Eleanor helped pick out presents, but mostly spent her time pointing at all the stuff at SuperTarget she wanted for herself (hey, can't fault the girl for trying - after all, her mom is a pushover sometimes). At least we have two more little girl birthdays coming up soon! While the Burger King gourmet meal was Genevieve's request, I have to admit that I was willing to avoid cooking by that point, as well!